Worried Politics Will Take Over Your Thanksgiving Dinner?

Psychologist Offers Tips on How to Keep Holiday Gatherings Peaceful, Conversation Productive

(WPR)---For many, Thanksgiving is a time for celebrating with family, feasting and watching football. It's also been a time when differences of opinion about politics and the news of the day have dominated the conversation and even damaged relationships.

This year's holiday, which comes on the heels of a divisive election season, clinical psychologist Alexandra Solomon wrote in a blog post for Pyschology Today, feels "especially precarious."

"There is politics and then there's this," Solomon said during an interview on The Joy Cardin Show. "I think that we are all in some pretty uncharted waters here for a variety of reasons."

Solomon said she's hopeful for the potential for healing this Thanksgiving around many tables.

"I think that especially at a time like this where there's so much fear and uncertainty and confusion about what lies ahead, I think there can be really great respite in being with family," Solomon said. "There's something so important and rich about us being together and it really anchors us, so I really love, in some ways, the timing of all of this because it's a chance for us to return to something familiar at a time when there's so much unfamiliarity and uncertainty."

Solomon said she knows of some families who are having a "conversation about conversation" of sorts about this issue before the holiday gathering.

"Families are getting on group texts or in group emails and sort of setting some ground rules about whether politics will come up and if it does, how do you want those conversations to go?," Solomon shared. "I think it makes sense to have some ground rules or some tricks or tips in mind."

As pies are baked, turkeys are brined and last minute errands are run in the final hours before dinner, here are some strategies offered by Solomon to keep Thanksgiving gatherings peaceful.

Connect with your shared highest value

Solomon pointed out that it's easy to assume that if a person voted differently than another that they know longer understand - or know - anything about the other one. Here's an example about how to reconnect.

Let's say a dear cousin voted in a way that another disagrees with, Solomon advised. Consider the common threads shared - for example, perhaps both cousins feel the same way about the environment, or agree that they both adore their grandmother and value the time they have with her.

"It's so easy right now to slip into an us versus them mentality and that's what that lack of safety and uncertainty feels like," Solomon said. "That's toxic. It's hard to navigate that."

Speak for yourself

Election 2016 essentially called into question everything people knew or thought they knew, Solomon noted. So, rather than talk broadly about feelings, keep it small.

"So if I'm going to be talking about, for example, my fear, it's really helpful for me to ground my fear in the uniqueness of my story, so I'm going to invite collaboration across difference," she said. "f I can ground it in my story, my experience, and keep it very small and local to me, I invite empathy from my relatives in a way that I don't if I launch into 'Trump is' and 'It's so' and 'Those voters are so'."

Making generalizations or name calling will push those who view an issue differently away versus keeping the conversation at a smaller, local level.

Be the Change You Want to See in the World (and in Your Family)

Solomon said that that if everyone comes to Thanksgiving by being open to connection and embodying love- regardless of who they voted for - that mindset invites bridges.

She also pointed to another popular quote - Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has - while discussing strategies to keep the peace.

"Families can be those change agents if we come in insisting on seeking connection, being curious, having an open heart, speaking with love," she added.

A final tip? Set healthy boundaries.

"If a conversation is going somewhere and you're finding yourself all filled up, saying, you know, I'm going tag out ... I'm going to go slice up the pie, carve up the turkey, I'm not able to participate fully with an open heart at this moment in time so I'm going to take myself out of the conversation," Solomon added..